Dictionary.com defines consummate as “To bring to a state of perfection; fulfill”. Another one in terms of marriage would be “To complete (the union of marriage) by first marital sexual intercourse”. One would assume that in this day and age of the internet, this would be a myth. After all pornography is a “free for all” and there are virtual tutors from all over the world guiding us in this divine process. The truth, however is that there is a significant albeit small number of marriages which remain unconsummated due to various reasons.
- Fear of sex
- Perceived erectile dysfunction
- Low self esteem due to poor body image (pornography?)
- Weak performance due to side effects of masturbation ( my personal favourite)
- Vaginismus ( in women) leading to ED
- Not aware of how to perform!!!!!
How to help these men? In my practice I see that men who have a negative self esteem or men who have self doubts about their sexual prowess are usually the ones who come with a performance problem after marriage. They not only have concerns about sex but also about their fertility potential. I personally feel that a premarital check in these men would go a long way in allaying their fears and self doubts.
A premarital check up looks at all the possible risk factors for Erectile Dysfunction and Premature Ejaculation which are the common doubts that these men possess. Fertility checks in terms of sperm counts and hormones help those with fertility concerns. A positive feedback that these men get from looking at a normal result goes a long way in calming their tense souls. A minor hitch here or there can be fixed with a little counseling and if necessary some serious one on one sessions.