Performance Anxiety in Sex and Erectile Dysfunction
Summary Performance anxiety refers to the state of mind before having sex with your partner. If you are not self confident or worried about pleasing your partner or stressed about your relationship with your partner, brain releases different chemicals that can lead to erectile dysfunction and/or premature ejaculation.
When you know that you are suffering from performance anxiety during sex and having troubles with enjoying the pleasure of sex, see a sexologist first. He/she then may refer to a sex therapist as per the need. In a nutshell, to overcome performance anxiety, you need to know some facts and train your mind not to get anxious or stressed about sex. Just let all the negative emotions, guilt, stress, fear go off your mind and enjoy the ride.
Ever heard of “It’s all in the mind”? That holds good even for enjoying sex. Sex is not just a physical act, it involves emotions too and emotions play an important role right from having an erection till you orgasm. When you are mentally not in a state of having sex or if something is pulling you back from having pleasurable sex, most likely the odds are that you end up in an unsatisfied sexual encounter.
Performance Anxiety is one such emotional factor which can even lead to no sex by causing Erectile Dysfunction. The thought that you may not “perform” well to please your partner can put off the thought of having sex that can result in your penis not becoming erect at all.
What causes performance anxiety in a man or a woman?
Performance anxiety in sex stems from negative thoughts or doubts if you can perform well. This can be due to various reasons including:
You may be having sex for the first time and not sure if you will be able to “satisfy” your partner. Or, if you are having a new partner and had bad experiences in bed with your previous one, you would have got psychologically affected.
Being unhappy with your naked body. If you are not happy with how you look, you wouldn’t have the confidence to undress before or during the act. This will not let move you forward with the act.
Stress – This is a ghost that haunts almost everyone during their lives. Stress can come from any direction – through your current relationship, your financial condition, work related stress or even when you are worried about your children or parents etc. Stress takes a big toll not just in your sex life but on your overall health.
Premature Ejaculation – Men will go through this problem at some point in their lives. If you had issues of premature ejaculation in the past or if you are aware that you ejaculate early, this can put more stress and lead to erectile dysfunction.
Porn – If you have been watching porn and start comparing yourself to what you see there, you will surely have performance anxiety. Just remember that porn is totally different from real life sex and if you want to perform like a porn star in your bedroom, you are most likely going to end up with low self confidence and anxiety issues.
Apart from performance anxiety what else can cause Erection Problems?
Erectile Dysfunction (problem having or sustaining an erection) can be either physical or psychological or even both. Aging is a common cause of erectile dysfunction. As men age, the ability of having erections go down, this is due to the lowered production of hormones in a male. Neurological factors, problems with blood circulation, current medications also affect the ability to get erections.
Many psychological factors such as depression, lack of interest in sex, stress in personal relationship etc can cause Erectile Dysfunction. If you are interested in knowing more about Erectile Dysfunction and the causes, please visit the following page:
Your state of mind before having sex. When you find someone sexually appealing and interested in having physical intimacy with you, the thought of your sexual appeal and pleasing him/her letting you down.
In order for penis to become erect, the muscles in the penis should relax and the blood vessels should expand to hold more blood. When under stress, the muscles in penis contract instead of relaxing and this won’t allow more blood flow into the penis, causing erectile dysfunction.
In women, anxiety or stress or fear of sex can lead to ‘not lubricating’ their vagina. When a woman is aroused, the vagina lubricates itself to allow smoother penetration of her partner’s penis. When the woman is under stress, this doesn’t happen. Not lubricating the vagina can lead to painful sex that can take out all the pleasure from the act.
How can you overcome performance anxiety during sex?
The best thing that you can do to is to see a good sexologist. Don’t Google and start self medication. You can make the situation worse if you just go online looking for medicine. Your sexologist will start with a list of questions and may ask you to get tested to see the levels of hormones in your body. Accordingly the problem can be ascertained if it is just psychological or both psychological and physical.
If the problem is just psychological, he/she can redirect you to a therapist who can bring back the confidence in you and also help you in getting rid of the stress/fears that you might be having. You may be put on some medications, if your sexologist thinks that you need to take some medicines that can help.
Tips to overcome performance anxiety in sex:
You are not a porn star. Reality vs. porn is totally different.
Apart from the actual penetrative sex, there are a lot of other activities that you can do before sex to arouse and please your partner. As you take some time during the foreplay, your mind can ease itself and you get more comfortable and confident for actual sex.
If you are in a stressed relationship, seek help from marriage counsellor or a good therapist. You need to work on your relationship and then things will start falling in place. If you are stressed with other things in life, try yoga or meditation to relieve stress.
If you are worried about the way you look, it’s pretty easy to change the way you look. All you need is the ‘will’ power to hit the gym or other forms of workout to bring back your body shape.
If you have premature ejaculation problem, see a good sexologist and once you start taking your medication, you should be able to hold your ejaculation for longer. This positively affects your mind and makes you more confident in bed.
Know that a 3 to 4 inch erect penis is enough to satisfy any woman, or at least most women. Sure, we do see women who long for a long and thick penis but not many men have dildo sized penises.
What you need to know is “What pleases your partner in sex”. You need to figure out the sensitive points of her body and play around those areas to give him/her more pleasure.