When should parents intervene?
Moving on from a Male only clinic, the Metromale clinic is seeing a sudden surge of young couples coming in with marital problems. Often times the male partner has a seemingly un-resolvable issue and the female is normal or very rarely it is a partner associated male sexual dysfunction. What is surprising, however, is the fact that these couples are accompanied by a host of relatives. The boy’s parents and more often the girl’s parents visit along. There are about 6-7 people in my room when these visits happen.
Souldn’t I be happy? Well, the more the merrier, right? Alas, not so however in this case. It’s a classical example of “How too many cooks can spoil the broth”. There are various versions, emotional upheavals, candid comments which I really don’t need to hear and my role is relegated to being a silent spectator to asledging contest that is unparalleled in the annals of modern medicine or should I say “family feud”. The sad part is that the parents get involved very early in marriages which have been arranged (in the indian context), as early as in the first week.
Is this right? Should young couples be disclosing their marital issues quickly to their parents? Well, I don’t know the right answer. What i know however is this. Four out of five times, for a couple walking in with their parents, the issue is already decided. They come to the doctor only to get a certification. The intent is very clear. There is a problem and we need a separation. Can you certify the fault doc?
My suggestion is this. Give it time. Rome was not built in a day. People are different. For some, sex is easy. For others it is a Himalayan task. A month or two is ideal time to try on your own. However, after this time if things don’t work, visit a doctor and don’t bring a crowd. If after sincere attempts in the period specified by the health professional, the emotional and physical connect is not there, it might make sense to seek counseling from your parents.